Yes here come the ones that are the highest offenders on my list of "popular" films that I just can't stand to watch. As usual, these comments may contain spoilers so if you don't want to be spoiled, read the bold titles and then move on. We'll continue the hate with number 6.
6. Michael Bay's Transformers Series. I don't know that I can say much more about these films that hasn't been said already. For the record, I think the first Transformers film from 2007 was actually not a bad movie. It's just lumped into bad company with 2 and 3. It still can't begin to touch the 1986 film however in terms of actually being a good story. The 1986 film as stated previously is the best representation of the Transformers mythology that's yet been made for the screen. The second film, Revenge Of The Fallen, is a disorganized mess of a film that actually rates up there with Battlefield Earth for worst sci-fi themed film ever made. The story line makes little sense, the acting for the most part is atrocious and of course, the waste of space known as Megan Fox takes up more than .5 seconds of screen time which means she has too much screen time. In a film with loads of weaknesses, she may actually be the biggest weak point. She has no acting talent whatsoever and the only reason she's famous is because a bunch of men who never got past puberty enjoy beating off to her. She's the equivalent of Kristen Stewart if Kristen Stewart were more popular among guys. I like beautiful women as much as the next straight man, but they have to bring something besides their looks to the table and Megan Fox does absolutely nothing besides look good. She's acting's version of Rena Mero AKA Sable. Transformers 3, Dark Of The Moon, is a little less of a congealed mess in that it gets rid of Megan Fox but replaces her with a nearly equally useless sidekick in Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. This movie has the same problem that Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 does in that THE MOVIE WILL NOT END! I watched this movie and I had a birthday waiting for it to end. To make it worse, the biggest reason for the length is because the movie takes forever to get started. I swear it's literally over an hour before something remotely interesting finally happens. To make it worse, we're not done with this cinematic fecal storm. I hear there's a Transformers 4 coming that is possibly to be directed by Steven Speilberg himself. Unless this is a reboot with an entirely new cast, save for Peter Cullen and Frank Welker (GIVE HIM BACK THE MEGATRON ROLE YOU BLITHERING CLODS!), there is no hope for redemption with this series.
5. Nightmare On Elm Street (1984). The film that gave Freddy Krueger to the world. I don't see this as a bad film from a production point of view. It's actually about as good as you can expect from a relatively low budget horror film. I just personally believe the story and theme of the movie(and series) is incredibly stupid. I can understand the allure of a guy who only kills you in your dreams and therefore can't be defeated but at the same time, I just don't understand how it got so popular. Robert Englund is also one actor that I've never began to understand why he's so beloved. He seems like a very nice and humble man and I respect him as a man, but I don't think he can act his way out of an unlocked bathroom. This one is actually a little more difficult for me to put into words because again, I just really can't explain my dislike for this film other than I just saw it as so ridiculously far-fetched that I couldn't suspend my disbelief far enough to actually enjoy it. Perhaps had the film been done as a comedy or satire, it might've worked better for me but as a serious horror movie, it sucks. This legacy of Freddy Krueger even crossed into the Mortal Kombat game franchise as the 2009 "reboot" (cough total rehash cough) later included him as a DLC character. Yes folks, an overhyped, overrated joke of a horror icon gets included with an overhyped, overrated joke of a video game release. It's a perfect match really except Mortal Kombat's legacy was far greater than Nightmare On Elm Street's ever tried to be and all this did was kick dirt on to what little was left of Mortal Kombat. But I digress.
4. District 9. It seems that most years recently have had a very highly acclaimed film that I just simply have found intolerable. 2007 had Juno, 2008 had Slumdog Millionaire, 2010 had The Social Network, and 2011 had Hugo. Why did I skip 2009? Because it contained the most offensive of films from those years as far as general popular opinion goes and that was District 9. Really, the concept of this is fantastic. Xenophobia taken to an entirely new level. The biggest problem I have with this film is the tone it takes. It really comes off as extremely righteous and self-important to me. None of the characters in it are likable and the main character, Wikus, just comes across as a complete douche for the entire duration of the film. If anything, I think this movie actually comes closer to convincing people that xenophobia is a good thing rather than a bad one. A friend of mine once referred to this film as "cinematic excrement" and I'm inclined to agree. This film was a chore to finish but I actually did finish it and have been trying ever since to wipe it from my memory.
3. Top Gun. I'm sure it might sound strange that an American male who was born in the 1980's would hate this movie. But not only do I hate it, I simply can't finish watching it. I've watched it in bits and pieces and have seen the whole movie over time but I am incapable of watching it in one sitting. My longest stretch in watching it has been around 43-44 minutes and after that I couldn't take any more without a break. The easiest way to sum up this movie is that it's basically a 2 hour dick measuring contest. The plot is absolutely ridiculous. For that matter, there is no plot. It's basically a bunch of "macho" guys showing off which one is the manliest and the planes merely serve as props in this glorious mission to prove which one has the biggest johnson. How in the blue hell this movie made Tom Cruise a star I will simply never understand. The constant excuse I get from people is that the soundtrack to the movie is extremely good and yes, I will admit it's a pretty good soundtrack. This however doesn't make up for the complete lack of substance in the film itself. I say, avoid the dick-measuring contest, buy the soundtrack, and hire a toddler to write a remake of this film because the toddler certainly could write a better film than the people who made this piece of dick-cheese did.
2. Jurassic Park. At one time, this was the highest grossing film in movie history. I didn't understand why before, and I don't understand it today. I can honestly say I've seen this film several times. I've tried to like it. I've wanted to like it. But guess what? I can't stand it. This hype job was one of the first films that really showed how far CGI had come and what it was capable of. Or so people who are fans of this film would have you believe. If you want the true answer to that question in a film that's not only watchable, but also one of the best American films ever made, look to Terminator 2. But I digress. This film suffers from the same problem that I mentioned with Nightmare on Elm Street which is that I just couldn't suspend disbelief enough. The concept is just incredibly asinine and the idea that people are actually stupid enough to do some of the things in this movie, while not inconceivable by any means, is certainly one that I'd prefer not to see in my entertainment world because God knows we see enough of it in our real lives everyday. I remember having to watch this film for the first time in my 11th grade ELPS class. We watched the film and then did a mock trial. I portrayed the Richard Attenborough character, whom I will refer to as Col. Sanders because frankly it's not worth actually going to Wikipedia to look up the character's name. The idea of the trial was to see whether or not this character was legally liable for the actions of the dinosaurs and the loss of life/property that ensued. In the end, our jury found that the character was not liable. How the hell they managed to come to this verdict I'll never know but in any case, I was not allowed to disagree since I was playing the character and to do so would've been an F for the assignment. I haven't seen the entirety of Steven Spielberg's filmography, but I can safely say that this is the worst film he's made that I've yet seen and the sequels to it are even worse but they're not highly acclaimed and regarded so they don't make this list. In describing this film, I can only use a line that Jeff Goldblum himself used in the film itself: "That is one big pile of shit."
And the number 1 film on my list of hatred is:
1. Finding Nemo. This is not anywhere near the top of my list of worst films I've ever seen. The story line isn't a bad one and it does present a good message to both parents and kids. Kids need to learn their boundaries sometimes while parents sometimes need to loosen the reigns and let the kids fly on their own. However, this movie makes the top of the list because of the films that I truly hate, this one seems to be the most highly thought of by the general population. Why do I hate this film so bad? What could possibly be in this film that just raises my blood pressure to the point of stroke? The answer is Ellen Degeneres. Or more specifically, the way she plays her character in the film, Dory. This character is one of the most unintentionally annoying characters in the history of cinema. By that I mean there are characters that are meant to get on your nerves and invoke that reaction from you. This was not the case here. Everything about her is just aggravating. Her voice, her personality and that WAY BLOODY OVERPLAYED SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS ISSUE!! Was this supposed to be funny? Was it supposed to mock people with short term memory loss? I don't understand what purpose it serves other than to further a story line that has been told many times before in much better ways without resorting to things like this. Dory singlehandedly ruined this entire film for me. Perhaps had she not been such a focal point later in the film I would've had less of a problem with her but having her be one of the main characters in the film was a literally fatal mistake for this movie. I don't know whether Ellen had any creative input on this character or not so I don't know whether to blame her personally for this abomination or if one of the writers wrote the character this way and instructed Ellen to play her this way. Whichever one made that decision should've gotten 3-5 years for introducing this utterly useless and annoying character that so many people seem to love for some ungodly reason to the world of cinema.
So there we have it. The top 12 films I hate but you love. Thank you for causing the increase in my blood pressure and hardening of my arteries. Oh, one last thing, I must give dishonorable mentions to The Wizard Of Oz, and for that matter, 99% of musicals ever made and the Back To The Future series. Utter atrocities but they just couldn't crack this top 12 list. If there is ever a "next top 12" list, I'm sure they'll make it near the top.
